As a traditional artist, learning Adobe Illustrator has been a soul crushing experience...

I'm 40 years old, self-taught ham & eggs illustrator. I've been drawing and painting my entire life. About once every year for the last ten years I sit through Abobe Illustrator tutorials to try and force myself into creating digital work even went as far as investing in the pen and pad which is now collecting dust because it feels unnatural and unresponsive. After I eventually realized that Illustrator has very little to do with how well you can illustrate by hand and requires a completely different set of methodical skills I felt squandered. Like I had spent my entire life developing something that was now outdated and useless. The more I try to learn the more defeated I get. I don't feel curiosity or inspiration when I watch these tutorials, I feel resentment. As a kid growing up I had a disdain for design programs because they felt cold, rewardless, almost like it was a nerdy way of cheating for fast results. I know that's not an accurate way to look at it now, but maintaining that mindset over the years has hindered my ability to grow and now I'm afraid it's too late for me to learn. I feel washed up, obsolete, and I don't know how to get over the learning curve.

How do I break this mindset? Is it possible to rid myself of this repulsion or is it too late to adapt if I can't find any joy in learning?