how to apologize after an episode

i had to cancel my nail appointment because my fp/gf was too tired to take me and i was really upset. i had been waiting for a week and a half and i haven't had my nails done for a whole year. so i was really upset about it and we talked about it and things were ok. but then i told her i didn't like working at the job i have (amazon) it feels like my brains melts when im there, i dissociate or feel like im about to explode whenever im there. despite all that i still work there because i need the money. but she just kept saying "it's a good job, it's a good job" im telling her it's NOT FOR ME. and that im trying to get into school and im trying to look for other jobs. but she keeps making it out like i don't wanna work at all when all i want to do is work and not feel like im fucking dying. i was getting mad because it seemed like she wasn't getting what i was saying and kept saying stuff like that and i called her dumb which she calls me dumb all the time but it wasn't right of me to do and so she said she was leaving and started crying and begging her to stay and she just kept telling me to shut up and that i'm embarrassing. and i followed her out to the car crying and apologizing and she started to record me and then she drove off.

edit: the apology: i'm sorry for my actions. i was having a breakdown and couldn't properly regulate my emotions and couldn't see how my actions were harmful. i was frustrated because it felt that you weren't understanding what i was saying or that i wasn't explaining it correctly to you. it felt like the efforts that i was doing to stay at a job i feel so bad at were going unnoticed. it felt like my feelings were being invalidated. i was already really upset about not being able to get my nails done and everything that i was feeling and trying to suppress came out. i want to be able to reconcile. (these are not excuses, this is an explanation)