My phobia keeps haunting my dreams. (Rant at 5 am in the morning)(tw: CSA, roaches)

Backstory: when i was about 2.5 years old, i was kidnapped by my stepfather who was physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive. I was with him for about 5 weeks. When they found me, i was in a small room with an extremely dirty mattress on the floor and there was a pike of my own feces in the corner of the room because he wouldn't let me leave the room to even use the bathroom. So I am extremely phobic of roaches. I cant even look at one without wanting to cry. And my asshole brain keeps giving me dreams about them.

My husband is like the only one who understands even a little bit. My job involves going to other people's houses and one of the ines i go to is infested but i need money. Thankfully she just has little ones, the bigger they are the worse my fear is.

I just keep having bad dreams about them. They would be in my food or my drinks and i would go to take a bite/sip and suddenly notice. I tend to wake up and vomit after those. I'll dream about them in my bed, the room, bathroom, kitchen... and it's always worse at night.

Tonight, ive woken up 6 times due to these dreams. I am so thirsty but even thinking about taking a drink makes me nauseous. I dumped out a mostly full cup of tea (i dreamed it was contaminated) and got a completely fresh glass, hoping that will help and it didn't. I am just so tired but i cant fall back asleep.

Well thank you for listening, im not going back to sleep tonight so if anyone wants to talk, ill be here watching disney movies.