What in the actual….

My husband has been sick in bed all day. Usually, that’s where he stays and I tend to his needs/wants well today, same as usual except his mom was here and it is also grocery day. I went in took him a towel and water and kissed him in his forehead and let him know that I was taking mom home and going to store and would be back, asked if he needed anything, he didn’t. I did set up a Roku camera to check in on him so I didn’t have to call him replace to see how he was because I worry about him.

Well it’s spring break so my daughter has been bored at home and decided to go with me and it was big grocery day, it took WAY longer than anticipated (3 hours to be exact) we had a blast, picked out about 30-40 different seeds to plant in the garden, she even got herself a new bike! Then we went big grocery shopping. Well, he isn’t too thrilled to say the least that we were gone that long. He called and asked when we were going to be headed home and I said very soon, he seemed angry so I checked the camera to see if he was in any pain or distress to have caused that much anger towards me.

I wasn’t ready from what came after that…. “Stupid bitch” “Dumb Nigger” “Ignorant ass bitch”

I went back and listened because I wanted to know exactly what he said and why. It was live recording when he said it and I swiped off once he “made his point” and didn’t go back on the cameras to rewatch until now, after overthinking everything he said I’m in disbelief wine is So I went back to rewatch it and I heard this…. I could be wrong, I’m trying to manipulate the quality of the audio to make sure I’m 100 and 10 % right because if so, I think this is it for our marriage. It sounds like he says “that’s exactly why I don’t love your crusty ass” then it follows with “stupid nigger” after a couple second pause…. I wish I could have yall listen to the audio to help decipher what was said.

Plenty of other things that I can’t make out and it’s probably for the best because my heart is fucking broken. How could he say those disgusting ass things about his own wife? We don’t have the best marriage but that crosses the line. I’m mixed and so it hurt me that much more. How could he… I came home and pretended nothing was wrong, asked him if he needed anything, checked in on him frequently and whatnot. Until I was trying to help him with something and he snapped at me and I couldn’t contain myself i said “sorry i dont know what im doing, im a dumb nigger” chucked amd said that one was my favorite. He proceeded with “ yep” ooo wait no “stupid bitch was my favorite” he said “yep mine too” of course I start crying asking him how he could say such harsh words about his wife and he said “I’m sick and you’re taking shit personal that’s all there is to it” “stop making everything about you” “I said it because I had just woken up and wasn’t thinking straight while sick and said it” we argued and argued about how rude it was but it basically got left as “I say fucked up shit when I’m mad, always been like this” “you wanna leave me? I don’t blame you but if not then no offense I don’t want to hear that sentence again”

I’m hurt beyond words and he’s still so angry at me, I wish he wasn’t but more than anything I wish he could just see how bad he hurt me. What should I do about this?