It hit me today that my bare body is disgusting.

For some reason I never really look at myself fully in the mirror. As in, I pretty much use the bathroom mirror to see myself basically chest/waist up, and it’s kinda hard to turn around and see my back and below without standing on tippy toes. Basically I never look at my bare body in full length, because I just never think to do so.

I went into a clothing store today and tried on a few pairs of pants because I fit none of my jeans anymore. They had those 3 way mirrors where you can see all sides of yourself and I looked at myself and really noticed how badly I’ve become. Rolls in the sides, way too much bloated sagging belly, cellulite, and no muscle tone anywhere. I’ve really let myself go. I find it hard to exercise even though I bought plenty of exercise equipment to use at home. I can’t cut the sugar and have been eating fast food a lot again lately. I’ve got 3 kids and they’re all in different phases right now and one of my toddlers is a lot more needy than everyone else. I’ve become a shell of myself. I ordered 3 bathing suits online last year and none of them looked appealing on me. I was too ashamed to wear them in public, so I just bought a plain black one piece instead.

I used to be in excellent shape. I used to work a very physical job so I stayed in shape. I did sports in all my years of high school. I had a great physique for many years after graduating. In the last 2-3 years, I’ve gained so much weight and feel so ugly. My husband is not rude about it but says it’s my fault I don’t make time for the gym. We live literally down the street from a gym, but the guilt I feel from working all day and going to gym afterwards after not seeing my kids all day prevents me from going. I have no self confidence anymore and my self esteem is at an all time low.

I just wanted to vent this out and talk about it. How did you get your groove back? I am 33 years old and feel sad that I’m headed towards a path of no return.