How do I forgive myself? Does God even really forgive me?

This might be a silly post, i know.

But I once really, really hurt somebody i was close with. we were friends, i cared for them deeply, but our friendship got too much for me. and even though i cut them off, i was still unnecessarily cruel toward them.

i never got the chance to apologize. and they sure as hell don't want me in their life anymore, which i completely understand and respect. i just can't forgive myself for what i did and said to them. the guilt haunts me every day.

not trying to act like the victim, either. the guilt i feel does not and never will outweigh what pain i caused them. but as a Christian, i feel i failed God. i know we all sin, but this is different than being a bit blunt with a cashier or disrespectful to a stranger. i hurt someone who cared about and trusted me, and badly. and the guilt overwhelms me so much sometimes i doubt God can even forgive me

i've repented, i've done my best to change. i've really looked into myself and asked why i did this. but it won't change the past. and i can't forgive myself so easily.