My sister got engaged...

I just want to scream into the void.

Okay look, I'm not upset my sister got engaged. I love her, and I'm very happy that she got engaged, but I'm so fucking mad at my mother.

Ever since I started planning my wedding, it's been all about my sister. "Oh I'm so excited for your sister's wedding, omg it's going to be so fun to plan!" Etc. Etc. Etc. Now I know why she kept saying it. It was fucking pissing me off, and now I know. My sister is engaged, and now they are all taking about planning HER wedding. Not mine. And, my mother told my sister to ask me as a "joke" if we could do a double wedding because it's "cheaper". That broke me. I got fucking pissed and was like absolutely not. No. I will NOT do that.

I've already made my boundaries clear, already posted on here about the shit I've been going through, and already followed most of the advice. I should have just listened to my fiancé. I should have just gotten eloped. Hindsight is 20/20, right?

I messaged my best friend and asked her what she thought, because I felt like shit that I was this upset about my sister getting engaged. I mean, I should be happy, elated. But I can't help but feel disappointed. My friend told me she would feel the same, and the fact that my sisters fiance decided it was a good idea to do it now really shocked her. So, I guess I'm not the only one.

My fiance understands my frustration, and I've apologized for my crappy attitude ever since I found out. He says it's not my fault, and that if the same happened to him, that he would cut all contact and leave.

I don't know what to do anymore, but I'm thankful for my best friend and for my fiance.

I feel like shit about how I feel towards my sister. I want so desperately to be excited for her, but I know my mom is going to ruin it.

I have a dress fitting in a week that my sister is coming to (she hasn't seen my dress in person yet). I'm scared that all the attention will be on her.

I hate feeling like this.

For those who have read my other posts, yes I've gotten in touch with a therapist. First appointment incoming soon. Hopefully the stress of all of this can be easily worked through.

God help me.