No one tells you how scary it is

TW: bleeding (but a happy end)

Yesterday morning started off great. I went to my OBGYN to get some smears taken to the lab. It was a routine check since I had my pap smear couple of months ago and all my results were great, but she wanted to confirm nothing changed since then. Since I was already on the table, she told me she’ll take a look at the baby as well. We saw the baby, saw the heartbeats, everything was great.

I came home, had some online meetings to do, ordered food because I was too lazy and nauseous to cook, and went to the store to buy some Christmas gifts I was still missing. By the time I was done, I was pretty wiped so I crashed in the bed.

I woke up coupld of hours later, went to pee, wiped and wiped a serious amount of blood. In that moment my heart DROPPED. It looked like the beginning of my period - significant amount of blood, but not exactly carnage I experience on like day 2 of my period. I started panicking, asked my husband to drive me to the ER. We got there, and the first thing nurse told me was to catch a breath and try to relax because I was almost incoherent. The OBGYN there asked me whether I did an ultrasound (I’m only 7w along) and I told her I had one just this morning and I can’t believe something’s wrong now. She again told me to relax and that blood doesn’t automatically equal something’s wrong. She did an US after what seemed forever, baby’s there, heartbeats are there and there’s no bleeding from the inside of the womb. It might be just the bleeding because my cervix was a bit scratched during the smears since, due to the hormones, it’s more sensitive right now.

But let me tell you - I have never known panic until last night. It’s terrifying. And my next ultrasound is in 4 weeks so I know I’ll be panicking until then. Moral of the story, I guess for me, was that not all bleeding is bad, even if there’s more blood than just spotting, so try not to go from 0 to a 100 in a second like I did 🫠